Reclaiming You: How to Find Yourself After Losing Your Way

Losing your way is a common experience. It can arise due to significant life changes, challenging situations, or simply losing focus on your goals. Losing your way can impact several aspects of your life, like your relationships, career, and well-being. It can result in stagnation, unhappiness, and feeling stuck in a rut. But getting lost is part of the journey of becoming. By taking these intentional steps, you can reconnect with your authentic self, transform, and align with your true path. (Estimated reading time: 9 minutes)

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself”

– George Bernard Shaw

At some point, each of us has felt lost. Losing your way is a common experience. It can arise due to significant life changes, challenging situations, or simply losing focus on your values and goals.

Losing your way can impact several aspects of your life, like your relationships, career, and well-being. It can result in stagnation, unhappiness, and feeling stuck in a rut.

Getting off track is part of the journey of becoming. It’s a metaphor for the basic human struggle. Like any journey, there are times when the roads are straight and times when they’re winding. At times, life will feel easy, and at times, it will feel hard. That’s what makes an adventure interesting.

In Inferno, the first part of Italian writer Dante Alighieri’s 14th-century narrative poem The Divine Comedy, the protagonist Dante must “go through hell in order to change” and “go through hell” to learn about himself, change his ways, and grow as a person. A major part of that odyssey requires him to enter a dark wood with little self-knowledge, having lost his way, both literally and metaphorically.

While our transitions won’t always be as treacherous as Dante’s, they are messy. Whenever you’ve felt lost, you may have felt aimless, disconnected, and unsure of your identity and direction. It may have brought feelings of anxiety, confusion, and discontentment. Acknowledging when you’ve lost your way is the first step towards returning to authenticity.

Six signs that you’re losing your way

It is crucial to identify the indicators that suggest you may have deviated from your intended path to begin the process of rediscovering yourself.

Here are several common signs that may indicate you have lost your way:

1. Experiencing a disconnection from your passions and interests, a lack of motivation and drive, and a feeling of aimlessness or confusion regarding your future.

2. Going through the motions without a sense of purpose or satisfaction, leading to feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction with your life.

3. A persistent discontent or unease despite outward success or accomplishments. You may discover that material possessions, social status, or external validation no longer provide the fulfillment they once did.

4. An inner void and a longing for something more can signify that you have become disconnected from your true self and need to introspect and contemplate what truly matters.

5. Feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or burnt out can indicate losing your way.

6. Constantly being preoccupied with busyness or distractions may be a way of avoiding confronting deeper issues or emotions that prevent you from living authentically. This can result in a cycle of exhaustion, frustration, and a sense of being trapped in a life that no longer serves you.

Recognizing these signs and acknowledging the necessity for change is the initial step towards reclaiming your authentic self and leading a more fulfilling and genuine life.

What can cause us to lose our way?

Navigating the maze of self-rediscovery can be daunting, but it’s a journey worth taking. But part of the journey of reconnecting with ourselves and finding direction is understanding why we get lost in the first place. Several things can cause us to lose our way:

1. You pursue the wrong type of happiness.

It’s tempting to pursue society’s definition of success, which usually includes having a college degree, a lucrative career, a mansion in a lush neighborhood, and an attractive spouse with 2.5 kids.

While these accomplishments can make you happy, they do not guarantee fulfillment.  By chasing material and social success, other important aspects of life get sidelined, like relationships, social contributions, having a positive impact on others, and a spiritual practice that keeps us grounded and kind.

2. You’re unclear about what you want.

Having no idea what you want from life is like walking inside a dark room. The only way to turn on the light is to get clarity. If you’re unclear, you may live someone else’s dreams and do what others deem the “right thing to do.”

But life is not a one-size-fits-all affair. As confused and unsure as you may feel, you have more insight about what you want than you think. Chances are that you didn’t take the time to go within and connect to your deeper desires.

3. You’re inconsistent or not taking action.

Humans like comfort and familiarity, but without healthy challenges, things get boring. When life gets monotonous without opportunities to grow beyond our comfort zone, we experience stagnancy. We need to be creatively or mentally stimulated to feel alive.

As tempting as it is, avoid resting on your laurels — actively set challenges for yourself that help you make progress, build your knowledge and skills, enrich your perspective, and find happiness within yourself.

4. You don’t make enough time for self-reflection and introspection.

Self-reflection is the process of turning your focus toward your thoughts and noticing what’s happening in your life mindfully and openly. It’s an essential practice for finding happiness within yourself. Many of us need more time to stop and go within.

When you take the time to observe your thoughts, emotions, and actions, you develop a clearer and more coherent perspective to stay on track with what feels true to you.

5. You are bound by your perceived limitations.

Negative thoughts and beliefs that hold you back from being proactive in moving forward in a positive direction often stem from past experiences, societal conditioning, or self-doubt. Like weeds growing uninvited in fertile soil, negative thoughts can enter our minds uninvited. As the gardeners of our minds, we need to remove them and replace them with the good seeds of optimism, confidence, and positivity.

To identify your limiting beliefs, start by paying attention to your self-talk and the thoughts that arise when encountering challenges or setbacks. Common limiting beliefs include “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve success,” or “I’m too old to change.”

Embracing the journey of self-redemption

Self-redemption is the process of reclaiming your true self and living in alignment with your values and aspirations. It involves letting go of past regrets, self-limiting beliefs, and patterns that no longer serve you.

Movies and stories about self-redemption abound, but one that stands out to me is the classic movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” starring Jimmy Stewart. It shows that redemption doesn’t just involve the mind but the heart as well.

George Bailey, the main character in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” is a testament to this. As an idealist, he believes an individual is one small (yet vital) part of a whole community.

However, this belief leads him to constantly do good for his family and friends, which eventually takes a toll on him. When a series of unfortunate events deplete George’s reserves of charity, he reaches a breaking point. But his struggle is not one of seeking moral or religious absolution. Instead, he longs for relief from disillusionment and weariness with the world.

The people of Bedford Falls, many of whom owe George a debt of gratitude for his kindness, go to great lengths to help him. Through their prayers and efforts, divine intervention occurs, granting George a glimpse into a world where he doesn’t exist. This experience allows him to recognize the significance of his existence and his positive impact on his beloved town.

In “It’s a Wonderful Life,” redemption is found by recognizing the goodness within oneself and seeing it reflected in the world. George’s father, Peter Bailey, would say, “All you can take with you is that which you’ve given away.” Thus, “It’s a Wonderful Life” proves that redemption is possible when you live from the heart.

By embracing the journey of self-redemption, as George Bailey did, you can release self-blame, shame, and guilt and cultivate a sense of forgiveness and compassion towards yourself. It allows you to rewrite your story, reclaim your power, and step into your true essence.

Steps to reclaiming yourself after losing your way

Unlocking your true self after losing your way requires a commitment to self-exploration, growth, and healing. It involves embracing self-acceptance and a willingness to go within.

By taking intentional steps towards reconnecting with your authentic self, you can transform and align with your true path. Here are some key steps to help you reclaim your path:

1. Know your strengths and weaknesses.

Gain awareness about your strengths and weaknesses. Getting to know yourself includes:

• Having a realistic picture of who you are.
• Knowing the parts you’re proud of.
• Understanding areas where you struggle from time to time.

This might be the most challenging because it requires you to take an honest look at your capabilities.

Remember not to judge yourself too harshly. Embracing your imperfections, fears, and vulnerabilities can help you release self-judgment and cultivate self-compassion. It allows you to embrace your true self, warts and all, and accept yourself unconditionally. When you embrace vulnerability and self-acceptance, you create a space for growth, healing, and transformation.

Knowing your strengths and weaknesses gives you the opportunity to identify and downplay activities you’re not good at and use that energy to work on the things you perform better at.

2. Know your values and purpose.

All of us have core values like “freedom,” “creative expression,” “generosity,” “exploration,” and so on, which play a significant role in our everyday and long-term decisions. List the top 5-8 values that guide you and determine how to use them to create your desired life. These values can help you fulfill your mission, soul purpose, or dharma.

Your dharma is a vital component of your spiritual DNA. It’s why you were born and what you’re here to accomplish. Your dharma and career might not always align, but it can be realized through your passion projects.

Exploring your purpose is essential for unlocking your true self. Reflect on what brings you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose. Identify and spend time on activities, interests, and values that resonate with your authentic self and align with your innermost desires.

3. Cultivate a practice of stillness and self-care.

Scheduling prolonged periods of silence and reflection clears space for our true selves to emerge. It quietens the internal chatter and noise in our environments so that we can focus on every facet of our lives and evaluate our feelings. We don’t have to go on fancy retreats to achieve this. We can do it from the comfort of our own homes by scheduling contemplative activities like journaling, walking in nature, meditating, etc.

Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being by engaging in activities that nourish and replenish you. Practice self-care rituals that promote relaxation, rejuvenation, and inner peace. When you prioritize finding moments for stillness and self-care, you honor your true self and create a foundation for personal growth and fulfillment.

4. Seek support and feedback.

Recalibrating after losing our way can be challenging, so seeking support and guidance is essential during this transition. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or mentors who can offer encouragement, insight, and perspective.

Get feedback from others. No matter how self-aware we are, we’ll always have a distorted perception of certain parts of our identities. Developing blind spots is natural, and it happens for many reasons. Checking in with credible and unbiased people in their assessments will balance out our self-image and give us an outside perspective of our behavior and performance.

By seeking support and guidance, you can navigate the ups and downs of the journey with greater resilience and insight.

All my best on your journey,

Seline

Questions for you: Have you ever felt you were losing your way? How did you retrace your steps and return to your true path?

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