Realities of life can sometimes be a hard pills to swallow, but it’s much more painful to live in a state of delusion and run away from the truth. Facing it head on is the path to freedom. Learn five realities that I’ve learned to accept and grow from and how you can accept the realities in your own life. (Estimated reading time: 6 minutes)
“The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.”— Gloria Steinem
Growing up can be tough, especially when you have to come to terms with some harsh realities.
I was reminded of this earlier this year, while watching the BBC documentary Frozen Planet, that featured stunning footage of killer whales working together to hunt seals.
The whales identify their preferred species to hunt, the Weddell seal. Even though the Weddell seals make up only 15% of the seal population, the whales prefer them over their feistier cousins, the Crabeater seals, due to their docile and submissive natures.
Upon finding their prey, a group of whales will coordinate to create a wave big enough to wash an unsuspecting seal off the ice floe it’s on. Once the seal is in the water, they work together to prevent it from swimming to safety, tiring it out until it succumbs to exhaustion.
Although it was captivating to watch the intelligence and teamwork demonstrated by the whales, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor seal struggling for its life. It was alone, defenseless, and taken completely off guard by the whales. Its desperate cry for help tugged at my heartstrings.
I wondered how nature could be so cruel to such an adorable creature. The scientist who watched the scene unfold during filming had a more rational, albeit philosophical, take on it. He said:
“This is life – it’s how things function in the natural order. Meeker creatures have always been hunted by predators and they will continue to be hunted as long as the food chain exists.”
His statement gave me an epiphany. I realized that no one, not even us, is excluded from the laws of nature. No matter how evolved and sophisticated our society becomes, there’s no escaping the laws that govern us.
The only thing we can control is how we perceive reality, based on the beliefs we developed while growing up. If you had a traumatic childhood, you can be sure that your view of the world will differ from that of someone who grew up in a safe, sheltered, and loving environment.
I fall into the camp of kids who had a sheltered upbringing. As I grew up and entered the Arena of Life, I realized how unprepared I was. Like balloons, my idealistic notions were popped by the sharp needles of reality. Even though each experience was painful, it sculpted my character.
I accept that I’m ‘in process’, riding the crazy waves of life – learning, growing, and being. Instead of allowing tough reckonings to reduce me to a cynic, I transmute the pain into a more solid perspective on life that’s rooted in reality. You too can remove the sting from the process of maturation by committing yourself to truth and honesty.
Constructing a personal reality that’s free from illusions, fanciful hopes, and fictitious narratives based on ‘how you wish things were’ is that path to your liberation.
Over the past three decades these have been the top five realities that I have learned to accept and grow from:
1. The world doesn’t owe you anything, you must earn your success: According to research, the younger generations, especially the Millennials/Gen Y, tend to have an inflated sense of importance and lack the solid work ethic and drive to make sacrifices to achieve their goals. This occurs because many of them were constantly told that they are special while growing up, and as a result, they believed it.
They develop feelings of entitlement, convinced that they deserve to be happy. Sooner or later the ugly reality hits them (as it did for me) that they are as ordinary as everyone else. But to create the life we envision, and we have to put in the blood, sweat and tears to make it happen. Life rewards those who dare to dream and take action.
2. You can’t control what people think of you, or how they judge you: Everyone judges. It’s a natural tendency of all humans. We’re first exposed to this painful truth during those awkward teenage years when we’re especially prone to self-consciousness, desperate to fit in and be accepted. We can shed those fears of judgement (or minimize them) by understanding that we can’t control how others see us. We can certainly influence others opinions of us, but we can’t change the beliefs, values, prejudices, and personal history that create the filters through which others perceive us.
This dawned on me after many years of trying to please family members with my accomplishments and potential. I soon realized that my attempts were futile because of the stark differences in our priorities and philosophies. Cultivating my strengths and skills would be a much better use of my energy, focus, and time.
3. Life is unpredictable and risky, so manage your expectations: If you’ve lived long enough, you’ve definitely experienced the unpredictability and inherent risks of life. At any point, a person can get an unexpected promotion or lose their job, find the love of their life or find out that their partner wants to break up with them, and so on. However, pain is an inevitability of human existence. We have the option to either let it control us, or learn how to manage the pain. Once we truly accept whatever comes our way and embrace it with a positive mindset, instead of a defeatist one, we’ll find peace and harmony in the present moment.
4. Be selective about who you trust and count on: Trust is fragile because it’s connected to our sense of vulnerability. That’s why we have to be careful about who we bestow it on. People need to prove themselves before you can include them in your team. After being disappointed by certain friends, ex-partners, and family members, I realized the importance of boundaries and managing my expectations when it comes to dealing with people. Now I strive to surround myself with only those who support and encourage me.
5. Society is primarily driven by consumerism, competition, and the attainment of power: We live in an age where having more ‘stuff’, influence, and popularity are considered to be the holy grail of success. We’re indoctrinated with this throughout life. We are groomed to adhere to the pecking order of society based on one’s finances, career, attractiveness, and social standing.
As the world gets more populated, there’s an increase in competition in all spheres of life. Competition can, unfortunately, bring out people’s darker side and their insecurities. I’ve seen this hunger for power cause people to gossip, manipulate, hurt, and sabotage others success for their own personal gain. This used to disturb me deeply as I really wanted to believe that we’re all compassionate beings looking out for each other. I realized that all I could do is influence others to move towards love and kindness through my work.
Whenever I find myself in despair because of the apparent lack of fairness in our world, I look up at the twinkling stars in the night sky to find comfort and solace. I’m reminded of the incredible privilege of being alive on this vibrant planet. This tiny blue spec in the vast cosmic ocean has provided you and me with the ideal conditions to experience life. Existence on planet Earth is, indeed, a gift that should be cherished by us all.
All my best on your journey,
Question: What are some of life’s realities that you’ve had to learn to accept and grow from?
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“You can’t control what people think of you, or how they judge you…”
i don’t think a statement has run truer to m lately than this one. Much of young life was spent trying to please family members who never seemed satisfied or who always wanted mo or better from me. Then my early adult years were spent trying to still earn their approval and the approval of friends and coworkers and employers. Now I know what I have to focus on an do to make my life the best it can be for myself and my family- not anyone else. So thank you for sharing this with us!
I am right there with ya Nina! I to have had to learn the hard way what I can and cannot change. I have to accept how people think and act and accept that I can’t change them, all I can do if take care of myself and be the best that I can be. If they don’t like it or cant sees the work I am putting forth or accept me as I am then I have come to accept that I really don’t want or need them in my life. it is a hard thing to do, especially when it is family, but I feel so much better for it now!
Glad it resonated with you Nina and Lin! Always happy when I get positive feedback from my readers! 🙂
I have a question for you Seline. What can you do if you have someone close to you, like a close friend or a family member, that needs to learn this but just can’t seem to? How can you help someone else see what you can see in their lives that they need to change and accept?