Pain is part of the human experience. Instead of avoiding it and numbing it, we should use them as learning experience and opportunities to build strength. Be open to lessons and you’ll experience more depth and fulfillment in your life. Here are five lessons we can learn from pain. (Estimated reading time: 6-7 minutes)
“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.”
— Robert Gary Lee
“Ouch! That hurt.”
We’ve all uttered those words in our lives. Maybe you said it right after a fall, feeling the pinch of an injection, or when someone said something hurtful.
Whatever the cause of your pain, it made you uncomfortable, and you wanted it to stop.
Pain is a universal experience. No creature on the planet is exempt from feeling it. It’s a biological mechanism that maintains balance in our system. Like an indicator on a dashboard of a car, it lets us know when something isn’t right, if we’re willing to learn from pain.
However, many of us don’t see pain this way. Instead, we see it as an inconvenience. In the past, when religion and superstition reigned supreme, pain was seen as a punishment, meted out by the Gods in response to immoral behavior. Today we see it as some kind of defect that needs to be fixed or cured.
We’re naturally drawn to seek pleasure and avoid pain. It’s encoded in our our reptilian brain. We can all agree that touching a hot stove or brushing against a sharp object is going to hurt however, there are some forms of pain that are subjective and based on our interpretation.
The majority of us have a low tolerance for pain, and the forces of capitalism are glad to offer us solutions. Our culture of ‘painkillers’ offers a plethora of choices to numb our pain such as antidepressants, alcohol, recreational drugs, sugar and social media. We douse our systems with these instruments of pleasure to escape reality.
In her book, “When Things Fall Apart“, Buddhist monk Pema Chödrön writes:
“Most of us do not take these situations as teachings. We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape — all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can’t stand it. We feel we have to soften it, pad it with something, and we become addicted to whatever it is that seems to ease the pain.”
While quick-fixes work on a temporary basis, it’s detrimental to our transition into conscious and evolved beings. When we avoid pain, we are missing the deeper and enriching experience that’s on offer. The more we resist and push away pain, the more that we are inviting it to stay. This makes it harder to learn from pain.
Like a persistent cosmic postman, it won’t go away until we understand the root cause. Just as light cannot exist without the dark, the human experience is not complete without moments of sadness.
In fact, I think that life would be rather drab and predictable if we constantly lived in a utopia, never encountering bends on our path.
The first noble truth of Buddhism is that ,even though pain is an inevitable part of human existence, suffering is optional. The suffering can be minimized if we develop perspective, and we focus on the lessons instead of the hurt. When adversity befalls us we should try highlighting the positive aspects instead of playing the victim and looking for a cause or culprit.
Pain is our body’s way of telling us that we’re out of sync. When you’re sick with a cold or injured, you pay a visit to the doctor to get a diagnosis and receive the appropriate medication.
We need to take the same approach when we experience emotional pain. Ignoring our pain will cause it to snowball.
It isn’t easy to come to terms with our wounds and learn from pain. I have needed a lot of courage and direction to come out of some challenging times in my life.
What helped me learn from pain was reading stories of resilience and courage, such as those of Nelson Mandela or Viktor Frankl who used their pain as an opportunity for inner excavation and personal inquisition.
Pain pushed them to view life with an entirely different outlook and adopt an attitude of humility. They took a step back to look at the bigger picture and figure out what’s really important.
They weren’t afraid to ask tough questions: “Why is this hurting me?”, “How is this causing me to lose power?”, “What is this trying to teach me about myself and my approach towards life?”.
Even though pain is unavoidable, it can be a great teacher. It can be the impetus for our evolution into conscious individuals. All we need to do is to transform our relationship with pain and keep our minds and hearts open.
Here are five valuable lessons that I’ve been able to learn from pain:
1. We understand ourselves better: Pain has the power to break us open and expose the vulnerable parts of ourselves, thereby giving us opportunity to get intimate with them. Pain will test your character and make it necessary to tap into your strengths. It will expose your weaknesses, allowing you to improve. Each test is like a rung on a ladder that we can climb to higher elevations of consciousness. Self-knowledge, coupled with a belief in our ability to survive, promotes self-esteem and personal growth.
2. We realize our strengths and resilience: All unpleasant experiences throw us out of our comfort zone and urge us to stretch into unknown territory. This is a good thing because we tend to underestimate ourselves and our capacity to withstand the storms in our life. If we’re open to the learning, tough incidents will make us tougher and leave us feeling braver. Like a warrior who’s been through battle, you can charge ahead knowing that you’re strong and you have what it takes to overcome any obstacle. ”.
3. Pain pushes us to grow and love ourselves: Pain propels us to get unstuck and move towards a more meaningful and purposeful existence. It reminds us to be sensitive to our needs so that we can recover from the hurt and feel better. We need to love ourselves through the pain and do whatever it takes to heal and get back on our feet. Whether that means taking a warm bath, speaking to someone you trust, going on a short vacation or journaling. Pain reminds us of the importance of self-care.
4. The pain helps us experience a deeper sense of connection: Every time we experience pain we become aware that it’s something we all share. We can draw wisdom and understanding from our trials and tribulations, which, in turn, can help others who are dealing with similar issues. You cannot fully understand the suffering of others and learn from pain until you have gone through what they’ve experienced. For example, if you’ve never been through a breakup you won’t be able to empathize with your friend who is going through one. Pain connects you to your being. The visceral sensations of pain activate a primal part of you that reveals your humanity.
5. We realize who and what really matters: Anyone who’s been through intense periods of despair will remember how it recalibrated their life path and triggered a shift in their identity and their worldview. All the superficialities and materially-driven desires fall by the wayside as you realize that money, fame and other symbols of wealth are ineffective when it comes to fulfilling the desires of your heart and soul. Your ego and pride are obliterated and are replaced by a sense of reverence and gratitude for the gift of life. You realize who you can really count on because it’s during your times of strife that you’ll come to know who will be there to offer you their unconditional support.
Just as we can’t have the rainbow without the rain, we can’t capture the complete beauty of our life’s journey without dealing with painful events. We need to embrace the entire spectrum of emotions to appreciate the variegated shades of the human experience and to celebrate the wonderful and messy affair that is life. In this way, we can learn from pain.
All my best on your journey,
Seline
Question: What lessons have you learned from the pain you’ve experience in life? When you’re able to learn from pain how does it change you?
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Sam Kip says
seline–
I’ve had my fair share of pain over the years and while it has made me stronger in some ways it is also a constant battle it seems to keep myself from becoming bitter and angry because of the way I have been hurt. How can I make that battle easier- Im worried I am going to turn into a bitter old person and I don’t want that- but it seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle and pain. What can a guy do?
SelineShenoy says
Hi Sam, sorry to hear about the issues you’re facing. Have you talked to anyone about it? I suggest you speak to a loved one (someone you trust) or a counselor. Take care! – Seline
Bayle says
It is hard to stay positive at times, especially in the state the world is in these days. What works for me and really helps is to find at least one thing each day I can be happy about or thankful for- even if is small. The smell of my favorite candles, the sight of a sunset on the way home, the song of birds in the morning, or way my puppy greets me when I get home. As long as you can find one thing to be happy or thankful for the world doesnt look quite so bad. Hope you feel better Sam and keep your chin up!
Ana Dorian says
This is blissful post. Thank you Seline. Thank you. For putting this all up so perfectly clear. Stay blessed and awesome.
SelineShenoy says
Thanks Ana. Glad it helped. 🙂
Beth Miller says
Though I completely agree with all you have said, grieving the death of a child, never, ever ends. Not emotionally, not spiritually. Chronic pain, such as I have, also never goes away or ever ends. Both leave a person exhausted. I read uplifting passages from all sorts of resources every day. But in the end, pain is always there. I do whatever I can to help others to get out of my physical and emotional traumas; I fake it ’til I make it. But in the end, pain is still there. My spiritual foundation has kept me sober, and smokeless, but at the end of the day, I sleep with three or four icepacks to combat the throbbing, endless pain. My life style changes have kept me from getting cancer again, but giving up my favorite foods and having to squeeze in countless exercise, has not erased the pain that is still there. Am I thankful to have two jobs, a car to get to those jobs, and a home to come back to? Of course I am. Am I just as fearful living the last quarter of my life in pain? Certainly. Do I manage to see 11 different doctors, take medications, get cortisone and jel injections, go to physical therapy, and get counceled between two jobs? You betcha! But again, pain is still there. Have my priorities changed? Absolutely! The Christmas tree became a Valentine tree. And I don’t think it’s necessary to write about the world such as it is today. Everyone is living it – Some more angrily than others. I know. I am a grocery store cashier. I get to experience the rudeness, bullying, and unbelievable entitlement every day. Am I numb to it all? No. Am I ego driven? Only when I have to protect myself. Do I still believe goodness rules over evil? Yes, but even in all that kind of mindset, pain is still there. It does not go away. It does not discriminate. It does not allow me to appreciate it. Consciousness? Wide open, how could it not be? Reflection? Always! Looking for the rainbow? The light at the end of a tunnel? Totally. Generic answers? Get them all the time, because really? They do not care! But what does it matter, anyway? In the end, pain, gut wrenching, searing pain is ALWAYS there!!!