Know how to cope with a painful breakup is critical to recovering from our loss. Finding healthy ways to process our emotions and reaching out for help are key ways to feel better and move on. (Estimated reading time: 3 minutes)
“If you‘re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello..”— Paulo Coelho
Losing someone you love after a breakup can be painful and gut-wrenching.
You may have shared some wonderful experiences with this person and developed a strong bond in the process. So when they are gone, you feel an instant void in your life.
Getting over any loss is especially challenging in the early stages. It’s similar to the hazy and uncomfortable sensations a patient experiences right after having surgery. You feel disoriented and in pain because of the separation.
The only difference is that the physical pain from a surgery has a fairly predictable healing time, whereas an individual who is facing emotional pain from a broken heart, does not.
However, we can influence how quickly we heal from a loss by becoming proactive about or healing journey. Unlike what most people believe, time does not heal all wounds, taking action does.
How quickly a person recovers depends on how they navigate their healing process. Coping behaviors can be healthy, such as a person reaching out for support from loved ones, or self-destructive such as smoking, depending on how resilient they are.
Having experienced the loss of a significant relationship in my own life, I know how fragile one feels during that difficult span of time. You have to be kind and gentle with yourself while you are grieving. By finding healthy ways to process the maelstrom of emotions, we can regain balance and gain perspective on our experience.
The biggest lessons that loss has taught me is the importance of self-esteem. I learned that no matter how intense a relationship is, I had to learn to love from a place of inner strength so that I did not fall apart if anything goes wrong. I can now enjoy the feelings of love without depending on one person for my happiness.
I also realized the importance of taking responsibility for our needs even if we are in an intimate relationship. When we are self-sufficient and focused on cultivating on individuality, it’s easier to love and be more present.
No book or workshop in the world could have taught me these lessons as effectively as my loss did. I admit that it did take some time for me to glean wisdom, and it only came to me after long periods of introspection and internal work.
If you’re someone who is still in the midst of recovery from a painful breakup, I truly empathize. Be gentle with yourself and know that things will get better.
Here are a three tips I would like to share with you on how to cope with a painful breakup:
1. Be gentle with yourself: Much like the patient after a surgery, you need to understand that your emotional state is delicate and you need time to heal. Get the support that you need from friends and loved ones. Be loving and compassionate with yourself.
2. Honor your feelings: Don’t resist your feelings because that will only make them stronger. Find healthy outlets to express them, such as journaling or speaking to someone you trust, like friends and family members, or a counselor or coach.
3. Get the lesson: When you feel more grounded, you’ll have the capacity to see things clearly and objectively. Ask yourself: What did I learn about myself and relationships after going through this? What can I do differently next time? Work on forgiveness for both yourself and your ex-partner. Replace anger and bitterness with acceptance and inner peace.
When you come out on the other end of the tunnel you will see the sun shine like never before. You will be filled with gratitude, and you’ll trust that every experience that you go through is guiding you towards becoming a wiser and more loving version of yourself.
All my best on your journey,
Question for you: What are some of the biggest lessons that you have learned from past painful losses in your relationships? How were you able to cope with a painful breakup?
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