“Go find yourself first so that you can find me.” ― Rumi
The twin flame journey is one of finding your kindred spirit—that ultimate dream partner with whom you share unconditional love and who awakens your true potential with that love.
This holy quest of finding your other soul’s “missing half” has ancient roots. Elements of the Twin Flame theory can be found in the scriptures of Ancient Egyptian mythology, the Hindu Upanishads, and Ancient Greek philosophy.
Plato’s “Symposium,” a play in which the characters discuss the origins of love, is one of the earliest surviving texts that speaks of the yearning to unite with our Twin Flame. In it, he writes:
“Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature.”
Plato’s idea of love as a single soul split between two bodies originates from Greek mythology. According to the tale, humans were originally both male and female in combination, but Zeus cut them in half after he found them guilty of conspiring to climb Mount Olympus, the mythical home of the Gods. Since that day, every person spends their lifetime searching for their other half.
Unlike soulmates (of which we have many), with whom we share a similar frequency, our twin flame shares an exact soul frequency with us. This makes reuniting with your twin flame the stuff that dreams are made of; magnetic and magical. Twin flames are soulmates on steroids.
Many describe meeting their other half as an experience of indescribably oneness, love, and spiritual alchemy. That’s certainly how I would describe my first encounter with my twin flame. When it happened, I couldn’t make sense of my feelings. The depth and intensity confused and scared me, but it left an indelible impression that lasted for decades.
For the longest time, I believed in the fantasy of the twin flame journey because it offered an escape. Like so many others, I strove to find ways to support my belief in this theory of metaphysical love—novels, movies, subject experts—anything that validated my narrative.
Over time, I realized that perpetuating a story that’s not been substantiated by reality was causing more harm than good. As my knowledge of human nature grew, specifically the dysfunctional patterns that originate from early childhood wounds, I gradually began to see the gaping holes in the seductive idea of twin flames and the delusional perspective it offers.
The push and pull, volatility, and intense yearning that characterizes the eight stages of uniting with a twin flame have been normalized in pop culture by sitcoms, movies, and thousands of articles, blog posts, and YouTube videos. Very few are brave enough to burst people’s bubbles by giving a less positive version of this theory. Misinterpreting it can trap people in toxic patterns and cause them to ignore the red flags that can lead to pain and trauma. A so-called twin flame can use their significance as an excuse for bad and abusive behavior.
My criticism of twin flames doesn’t come from a place of bitterness, but one of consideration and compassion. I understand that all of us want to feel desired and treasured. I know that we want to experience feeling special, knowing that we mean the world to someone. This hope that burns within us cannot be extinguished because it’s innately human.
Sadly, the illusory and grandiose promise of finding a twin flame plays on this vulnerability. It makes us short-sighted and causes us to miss out on other areas of our lives: our creativity, relationships with friends and family, personal growth, and expanding our career potential. It can trigger patterns of codependency, narcissism, and love addiction that consume and drain us.
If we can remove the obsessive quality of the twin flame journey, we can benefit from these fiery and fated meetings. I believe that we have misconstrued what the ancients said about the purpose of a twin flame. They are our mirrors, showing us what’s missing and what’s possible in our lives. They are not always destined to be our “happily ever after.”
As tough as my twin flame journey has been, it’s turned out to be a major impetus for my maturation and evolution. Once I was able to transmute the dull ache of missing this person into wisdom and focus on how his presence inspired me, I was able to grow exponentially.
If you’re tangled in a twin flame connection, please be gentle with yourself. The whirlpool of emotions you are feeling are valid—they come from a real place. They need to be acknowledged and addressed. You can make the twin flame framework work in your favor when you use it as a tool for self-exploration and healing. Here are three things to keep in mind:
1. The twin flame connection can be toxic and triggering: If we lack self-love and awareness, our twin flame bond can become toxic. It can trigger old trauma from unresolved childhood issues which result in unhealthy codependent relationships. Pining, anxiety, and fearing the loss of your twin flame are signs of a painful attachment style that disrupts your life and compromises your mental health. Bottom line: if it hurts, get the help you need to get back to balance so that you can function normally and experience the joys that life can offer.
2. Use your twin flame experience as a catalyst for your growth: The twin flame journey can dominate the narrative of a person’s life, causing their personal story to take a backseat. The truth is that twin flames are not the main plot, they are a subplot—one theme woven into the greater story of your life. They are catalysts that assist you in your quest of self-actualization and in becoming the person you’re meant to be. The intensity of the connection is a sign that this person has been placed in your path to help you through your mission and purpose. They represent opportunities to overcome insecurities and unhealed wounds, or they become beacons of inspiration that draw out the best in us.
3. Don’t over idealize the connection: Even if your connection feels like fantasy, it is still a relationship that needs to function in the real world. When we use words like ‘synchronous’, ‘once-in-lifetime’, ‘star-crossed lovers,’ and ‘transformative’, we are expecting our twin flame and the resulting relationship to be out of the ordinary. The risk of having this romanticized perspective is that we are likely to be disappointed and overlook the negative side of the connection. We forget that a high-functioning connection is one of conscious partnership of equal give and take, where two people share a link ruled by simple yet pivotal qualities: trust, good communication, compromise, shared values, safety, consistency, and empathy.
As significant and larger-than-life your twin flame connection might seem, don’t let it replace the connection you have with yourself. You are, and always will be, the star of your life. Stay focused on who you are becoming and what you need to do to be of service to others. Let your twin flame be an aspirational figure who guides you to your true north. Ultimately, that is their purpose and the gift that they bring to you.
All my best on your journey,
Question for you: Are you on the twin flame journey? What has your experience been in life? What did your twin flame teach you about yourself?
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